Cast of Characters...

Try your hand at the Personality Quiz on this website and then come back here to find out a bit more who your SWTTT/Chaucer character is.

1.     Alison: Venus with a gap-toothed smile; her favorite color is red (the Wife of Bath)

2.     Briony: captain of the cheerleading squad; prom queen; Kai’s girlfriend (the Prioress)

3.     Bryce: Rooster’s buddy; general goof-off; loves his forked beard; Saga’s boyfriend (the Merchant)

4.     Cece: total feminist (the second Nun)

5.     Cookie: pothead philosopher (the Cook)

6.     Franklin: obscenely rich son of chronic Alp-skiing parents; throws legendary parties and has a maid clean it up after; drives a Boxster; good-looking, though in that artificially tanned, whitened-teeth way; Mouse’s boyfriend (the Franklin)

7.     Frye: lanky dude; total player; mooch (the Friar)

8.     Jeff: painfully insecure narrator of this story (Geoffrey Chaucer, the narrator)

9.     Kai: star quarterback; good-looking and perfect and all-around cool guy; Briony’s boyfriend (the Knight)

10.  Lupe: smart, pre-law; Reiko’s best friend; recently Marcus’s girlfriend (the Manciple)

11.  Mace: has worst acne ever, combined with weird facial and eyebrow scaling; big and mean enough to beat the crap out of you if you care to point this out; used to be friends with Pard but is now a loner (the Summoner)

12.  Marcus: quotes Aristotle at the start of every damn paper he writes; the kind of person who sophomore year tells you a tomato is a fruit, and when you argue over it he wants to use the Socratic method to determine fruitness when you’d rather just say tomatoes don’t belong in fruit salad and thus can’t be called fruits; inexplicably Lupe’s boyfriend; going to Harvard (the Clerk)

13.  Mari: really good writer, but kind of a rival; editor for our lit journal, The Southwarks; hangs out with Sophie (the Nun’s Priest)

14.  Mouse: very cute cheerleader; a completely cheerful person who is only too happy to play a supporting role to her cheer captain, Briony, and her boyfriend, Franklin (the Squire)

15.  Pard: pale, thin-haired, high-voiced, tiny guy with extreme fashion sense; used to be best friends with Jeff until that went up in flames; it’s complicated (the Pardoner)

16.  Parson: hard-core Christian who actually practices what he preaches; handsome, perfect, and moral, yet it’s impossible to hate him (the Parson)

17.  Reeve: friendless little tattletale; bundle of nerves; so skinny he doesn’t have calves (the Reeve)

18.  Reiko: smart, pre-med; really pretty; alarmingly ready to throw herself at Frye; Jeff’s ex (the Physician)

19.  Rooster: red-headed linebacker; skull like a battering ram; body like a mountain; language like a gutter; a slapstick, emphatic sort of person (the Miller)

20.  Saga: lusts for clothes and would possibly kill for them; likes beards; Reiko told me she goes to a tanning salon; Bryce’s girlfriend (the Shipman)

21.  Sophie: smart, prelaw; very shy; Mari’s friend (the Man of Law)

22.  The bus driver: drives the bus (the Monk)



Random Links...

Chaucer’s text online:

Here is my anti-five-paragraph-essay five-paragraph essay:

Also, I should give you my Fake Middle English Donut Poem, just because: